Now that I'm not trying to become a professional dancer I've found a new freedom whenever I dance. I can now pirouette, grande jete, or pique turn just for the fun of it. I still hold myself to a high standard, but it's different when I'm not always having to think about what would please an audience.
Some might wonder if all the trouble I went through was for nothing. It was hard work trying to find a place in a professional company, and seeing how I decided I really didn't want that job after all, my efforts might appear as though they were a waste of time. I don't view it that way though.
I believe there is some value in putting up with the kind of difficulties I faced, and my journey gave me many rewards. The trials I went through made me stronger, something that will help me get through other trying times. An added plus was the self-esteem I earned from overcoming certain challenges. I also proved that I could have been a dancer if I had wanted to, I just decided that I no longer had the desire. Another positive result came from witnessing God working out his plan for me and showing me that He knows better. I begged and pleaded with Him for my dream to come true, and got mad at Him when it wasn't looking like it would. Then He gave me what I wanted, and I'm sure He knew that I wouldn't be happy, but did so anyway so that I could see that for myself.
That last point, seeing for myself that being a professional dancer would only make me miserable, is probably the most valuable one. My mom says if I hadn't had this experience I would have gone through my whole life thinking I had missed out on something wonderful. Instead, I can be at peace with the knowledge that I will be happier away from the stage, rather than dancing on it.
My struggle to become a ballerina involved enduring physical and mental pain, overlooking the slim odds of making it, ignoring the discouraging words, embracing the encouraging ones, rejoicing over triumphs, despairing over setbacks, crying in frustration, pushing past fear, and most importantly never giving up until I realized I didn't I want it anymore. My journey was worthwhile, and as hard as it was I would never change anything about it .