Seeing the email sitting in my inbox made me feel nervous and surprised. I called my mom in to look at it with me because as ridiculous as this sounds I didn't want to be alone when I read it. I can be pathetic sometimes.
I opened the email, but like a coward held off reading it until my mom had skimmed through the first few lines and informed me that everything was okay. Somewhat hesitantly, I turned my eyes to the reply I thought would never come.
The director first expressed her disappointment at my decision, saying she had wanted to see me make a successful return, but at the same time was thoroughly understanding. She shared a story about a friend of hers who had a similar experience as mine. Her suggestion that I might enjoy dancing in class without the chance to perform was right, and she wanted to know if I would be back in January to take lessons just for fun. I was incredibly relieved when she assured me that a replacement could be found, and it sounded as though my leaving caused no major problems.
What surprised me the most about that already wonderful message came at the end. I had to read the last line twice because I thought I had misunderstood her offer to give me free tickets to see the Nutcracker. I couldn't believe her generosity.
Now that I knew she held no hard feelings I could relax for the first time since the whole horrible ordeal had started. I was truly free, and it was all over.
I planned on continuing my dancing but it couldn't be at the ballet school. Without a scholarship there was no way I could afford the expensive lessons, and it would make no sense for them to pay for my classes when I was only doing it as a hobby. What I would miss about being at the ballet school was taking those classes that pushed me physically and mentally. It had really been the only part of being at the ballet school that brought me joy. My skills and strength had improved during the short time I was there and I didn't want to lose that. I would have to go back to the studio I had been taking lessons at before, but I found a way to practice at home so that I can keep what those difficult classes had given me. I want to go into greater detail about how I'm accomplishing that in my next post. I may not want to be a professional dancer anymore, but my journey as a ballerina has not ended, and neither has this blog.