tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14131165654313538372024-02-08T05:22:27.463-08:00A Ballerina's JourneyKristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.comBlogger105125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-21983962634638956992012-06-14T21:35:00.000-07:002012-06-14T21:35:49.157-07:00Hope for Bunheads I'm a little late in giving a review on the show "Bunheads," but that's not entirely my fault. On Monday night I sat on the couch in front of the T.V., ready and excited to watch it debut, only to discover I was three hours too late. I had gotten the wrong information about the exact time of the premiere, but since the first episode would be shown again on Tuesday night, I figured that was okay. I recorded it, then finally got the chance to watch it last night.<br />
I'd almost given up on "Bunheads" about halfway through it. It wasn't holding my attention, and as is typical for just about anything shown on T.V., it had its distasteful moments that I didn't care for. Furthermore, the acting tended to come off as forced and awkward, and I cringed at the predictability of the characters. For example, one ballet student had the ideal dancer's body but lacked any passion for ballet, while another girl who wasn't blessed with the physique of a ballerina longed to be one. <br />
As the show carried on however, I began to see something worthwhile. It may be headed in the right direction, although I wonder if this potentially engaging story will be wasted. The justification for such a negative outlook is based on how shallow everything felt. But in remembering that the first episode for any show is only to be used as an introduction to the characters and their world, I'll hold out hope that "Bunheads" will eventually turn out to be a decent show. Obviously there has not been enough time for the people, setting, or story to develop, so I must be patient. I plan on viewing the second episode, this time with a few expectations that I hope will be fulfilled.<br />
1.) I will look for indications that the characters' personalities, as well as the plot, will deepen and become more interesting as the series goes on. <br />
2.) I desire to see more dancing in future episodes.<br />
3.) Something I don't want is raunchiness. I know it's to be expected on T.V. and that there are quite a few shows that contain much more than the little bit that was in "Bunheads," but I still wish for a higher standard. <br />
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So what did you think about it? Did you watch it? <br />
Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-61733479644895828432012-06-11T12:10:00.001-07:002012-06-11T12:10:31.266-07:00A New T.V. Show For Ballet "Bunheads," a new T.V. show about ballet dancers, premiers tonight on ABC Family. I was excited when I first found out about this new series that will center around one of my passions. I even wondered if it could be one of the select few that I follow. I'm not attracted to most of what's available on T.V., but occasionally there are some good shows I enjoy. I'll admit, I get so interested in the story and the characters that, at least during the time I'm watching the show, I almost feel as though I'm visiting their world.<br />
Sadly though, the few clips I've seen of "Bunheads" failed to impress me. Maybe I'm just overly picky, but I started to lose hope that it would be any good. Of course, I've seen so little that it's probably not fair for me to claim that I've given it an adequate chance. So I will watch the first episode tonight. I promise I'll keep an open mind and that I'll be willing to admit if my initial evaluation was wrong. <br />
What do you think? Are you going to watch it? Are you looking forward to it? Do you think it will be worthwhile?Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-10292483056849502242012-06-08T09:46:00.001-07:002012-06-08T09:46:21.584-07:00Appreciating Past Ballerinas Has anyone ever noticed that the most celebrated ballerinas in history would now be considered severely deficient in technical ability? When watching old videos, I can't help but compare those dancers to the dancers of today, which is far from fair. For their time, the ballerinas of the past were phenomenal, and I think in terms of artistry they still are.<br />
In anything time brings advancements, improvements, and changes. Ballet technique should be pushed forward (although not at the expense of artistry), and witnessing the evolution of ballet excites me. One must remember though, that the accomplishments of our current dancers take nothing away from legends such as <a href="http://blog.dancedirect.com/2012/03/09/margot/">Margot Fonteyn</a>, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cn_K41P0B1w&feature=related">Anna Pavlova</a>, and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkZc5KJIRbU&feature=relmfu">Alicia Alonso</a>. <br />
I'll sometimes see comments on Youtube that downplay the greatness of ballet dancers who deserve respect. They must not understand that what former dancers contributed to ballet helped bring this art form where it is today. Ballet couldn't start out the way it is now. It had to go through different stages in order to morph into its present state. <br />
It's also vital to realize that the ballet dancers from generations past showed amazing artistry that pulled audiences in. They were musical, emotional, dramatic, gentle, transparent. I get goosebumps watching Anna Pavlova's <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMEBFhVMZpU">dying swan</a>, simple as it is. Let us never become disillusioned and believe there is nothing we can learn from past ballerinas. They have so much to teach us. Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-30093167315447710832012-06-05T20:30:00.002-07:002012-06-05T20:30:21.403-07:00Running Again!!!I ran for the first time last Friday morning after a<a href="http://aballerinasjourney.blogspot.com/2012/05/visit-to-doctor.html"> strange pain in my leg forced me to take a two week break</a>. I woke up that morning excited to get moving again, although I knew I would have to stop at twenty minutes. Anything longer will aggravate my leg, so for now I must refrain from running as much as I want to. Still, just being out in my peaceful neighborhood allows me to get a taste for my new interest that's slowly growing into a passion.<br />
Since last Friday I've gone on a total of four runs, and each time I feel less apprehensive about my leg. At first I was worried that my leg would protest, keeping me from running at all, but now I feel confident that as long as I control the length of my runs my troublesome leg will keep quiet. I can't wait to go running tomorrow morning, bright and early.Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-32571297926712014662012-06-02T10:57:00.000-07:002012-06-02T10:57:08.622-07:00Battement Tendu<br />
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<tr><td class="midtext" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;"> How is it that such a simple, seemingly uncomplicated move holds so much importance? Battement Tendu, that boring exercise that dancers are forced to practice in every class, is essential to developing impressive technique that amazes audiences. It may be hard to believe, but in order to perform jaw-dropping leaps, one must first master the tendu.<br />
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I personally never dreaded this humble move, most likely because I actively engaged my mind during each tendu I ever practiced. By evaluating how I was executing the movement, I determined what needed further refinement, then attempted to carry out the desired changes. I was never fully satisfied with my own tendus, and no matter how many years had passed since my introduction to them, I always felt like they could be improved upon. Other dancers should also give this rudimentary step the attention it deserves. The dancers who continually challenge themselves to polish their tendus may be able to expect a greater return for their efforts.<br />
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Most dancers probably realize that tendus are necessary, considering they are included in every class, but I wonder how many dance students truly understand <i>why</i> they are so valuable. It would be helpful for dancers to know that tendus are used to attain certain critical aspects of ballet, such as:<br />
<i><br />1.) </i><u>Strength in the feet and ankles</u><br />
2.) <u>Precise articulation of the feet during jumps</u> J<i>umping becomes easier and safer when technique learned from tendus gets carried over to jumps. </i><br />
<i>3.)</i> <u>Better balance</u> <i>Keeping the standing leg steady and strong while the working leg moves and changes positions teaches dancers how to remain on balance during movement. </i><br />
<i>4.) </i><u>Ingrained habit</u><u> of pointing the toes</u><i> Classical ballet requires the toes to be fully stretched. Regularly pointing the toes for a simple move makes it easier to remember to do so during more difficult steps. </i><br />
<i>5.)</i><u> Awareness of how to work the legs and feet in every movement</u> <i>Correct tendus call for proper placement while moving the leg, the ability to maintain turnout, remembering to point the toes, brushing through the whole foot, and slight shifts of weight. These basic skills that are needed for every move in ballet are partially obtained through diligently practicing tendus. </i><br />
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George Balanchine expressed his opinion that quality tendus are necessary when he said, “<i>If you just do battement tendu well, you don't have to do anything else</i>.” If one of the greatest choreographers and major contributors to the ballet world believed in the importance of tendus, than they must be worthwhile. <br />
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These other bloggers wrote some great information about tendus that deserves a look.<br />
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<a href="http://danceadvantage.net/2010/04/19/improve-tendu/">http://danceadvantage.net/2010/04/19/improve-tendu/</a>
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<a href="http://balletshoesandpointeshoes.blogspot.com/2007/12/perfect-battement-tendu-french-ballet.html">http://balletshoesandpointeshoes.blogspot.com/2007/12/perfect-battement-tendu-french-ballet.html</a>
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</tbody></table>Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-19589192194060653332012-06-01T09:05:00.000-07:002012-06-01T09:05:43.551-07:00Ballerinas Aren't Supposed To Turn In Remember my post about how the <a href="http://aballerinasjourney.blogspot.com/2012/05/back-to-blogging.html">inner ballerina never dies</a>, regardless of whether the dancer is still dancing or not? I proved that yesterday at my doctor appointment. I wanted his help for a running injury, but as usual ballet followed me.<br />
To test for pain the doctor gently moved my leg through various positions. At one point he grabbed my knee, turned my leg in, and started to push it towards me. <br />
"What's wrong?" he suddenly asked, taking me by surprise. "You just made a face."<br />
I felt no pain, not even the slightest bit of physical discomfort, but I was still cringing inwardly. Apparently though, I had let my emotions slip out and show on my face, which I was completely unaware of until he pointed it out to me. <br />
"Now what am I supposed to say?" I wondered to myself. "How is he going to understand that I'm a ballerina and I'm not supposed to turn in? He's going to think I'm crazy!"<br />
I explained as best I could (while feeling a little ridiculous) that I felt no pain, but as a ballet dancer I never turn in. It just felt wrong. Luckily for me he was professional enough to keep any comments to himself. Although he did tease me when he pushed me leg in a turned out position, saying something like, "Is this more natural for you?" <br />
Later on he asked me to jump up and land without bending my knees. After my first attempt I thought I had done what he wanted, until he said to do it again, this time without landing on my toes first. Whoops. <br />
It's great to know that I carry my ballet training with me; however, next time I'm doing something un-balletic I'm going to try to refrain from making any unflattering faces.Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-2929188350622282312012-05-31T16:16:00.001-07:002012-05-31T16:16:52.577-07:00A Visit To The Doctor I'm so relieved!! I had my appointment with the running injury specialist today and found out why my leg has been bothering me. Doesn't it always feel better when you have answers?<br />
Apparently the flexibility that had helped me as a ballet dancer is not great for me as a runner. To simplify what the doctor explained to me, my joints have little stability because of their wide range of motion. This lack of security affected my hips as I ran. Now that I know what is causing the problem, the doctor is going to guide me through a personalized program that will prevent the pain from occurring again. In the meantime, I've been approved to run as much as my leg allows. That means shorter runs than I was previously doing, but that's okay for now. I'm just thrilled to be out on the streets again. Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-71651423092070977842012-05-30T16:23:00.001-07:002012-05-30T16:25:23.201-07:00Tamara Rojo's New DirectionAs a subscriber to Pointe magazine, I look forward to every new issue. The latest arrived in my mailbox just yesterday, and I excitedly flipped through the pages. I was very surprised to find out that Tamara Rojo, a principle dancer with the famous Royal Ballet, will soon become the artistic director of the English National Ballet (ENB). At age 37, she seems young for such an immense responsibility. She has no prior experience with this sort of job, is in high demand on the stage, and could have at least a few more years to enjoy her star status without the added stress of running a company. <br />
According to “<a href="http://www.theartsdesk.com/dance/tamara-rojo-prima-ballerina-becomes-english-national-ballets-director">theartsdesk</a>,” she was not acting on a sudden impulse, but rather on an already established desire. It is interesting to note that ENB was a company that specifically appealed to her. Wayne Eagling has been the artistic director of ENB for seven years, but a few months ago the news spread throughout the ballet world that he was ready to move on. This was the perfect opportunity for Tamara Rojo to pursue a leadership role within her preferred company.<br />
Rojo intends to guide the company towards new artistic endeavors. ENB's recent financial difficulties will make that challenging. All in all, I imagine it is an intimidating situation for Tamara Rojo. She is young, inexperienced, and dealing with a low-budget company, yet I believe she may be the right person to handle such obstacles. I don't know her personally, and although I admire her dancing, she isn't one of the ballerinas I follow very closely. I've read enough about her however, to get an idea of her personality, and everything I've come across suggests she is tough, determined, and brave. For instance, Monica Mason, the soon to be retired artistic director of the Royal Ballet, described her as, “<a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/theobserver/2012/apr/15/observer-profile-tamara-rojo-english-national-ballet?INTCMP=ILCNETTXT3487">full of courage and guts and always has been</a>." Carlos Acosta, a guest principle dancer with the Royal Ballet, said that Tamara, “<a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/theobserver/2012/apr/15/observer-profile-tamara-rojo-english-national-ballet?INTCMP=ILCNETTXT3487">digs very deep and has no sense of pain or exhaustion</a>.” He claimed that those traits would enable her to be a successful artistic director. <br />
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<a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/theobserver/2012/apr/15/observer-profile-tamara-rojo-english-national-ballet?INTCMP=ILCNETTXT3487">Tamara Rojo's website</a> is full of interesting information and is worth a look. You will find links to some of her honest interviews, news of what's going on in her life, her biography, and pictures.<br />
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<a href="http://www.tamara-rojo.com/"></a> <br />
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<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?lt1=_blank&bc1=000000&IS2=1&bg1=FFFFFF&fc1=000000&lc1=0000FF&t=thedanbremak-20&o=1&p=8&l=as4&m=amazon&f=ifr&ref=ss_til&asins=B000Y9M096" style="height: 240px; width: 120px;"></iframe><br />
<img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=thedanbremak-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B000Y9M096" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" /><br />
This performance (sold on DVD) is the closest that a newly choreographed ballet will come to being purely classical. Anyone who is like me and prefers classical ballet will surely appreciate this fresh take on the fairy tale, Snow White. I particularly enjoy the music, which was created specially for this ballet. Tamara Rojo stars as Snow White, showcasing her brilliant dancing abilities. This DVD includes special features that go behind the scenes and into the studio, allowing you to witness the making of this ballet. If you love ballet, this one is definitely worth your while.<br />
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<br />Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-25582948103548176452012-05-29T08:12:00.000-07:002012-05-29T08:12:20.583-07:00Too Much, Too SoonDancing is what I know, understand, and am familiar with. I'm not a professional, but I feel like I have some expertise in the studio. As for running, I'm a complete novice. Basically starting from scratch, I began to research how one should train for events. I was fascinated by what I learned, and excitedly planned my training schedule. Then, just as enthusiastically, I carried it out.<br />
Unfortunately, I may have been a little too excited. I added more miles to my runs than my legs could handle. My muscles are ballet strong, but have yet to adapt to the stress of running. Increasing my mileage prematurely may be what's responsible for an injury I'm currently dealing with. Whatever the reason, it has been debilitating enough to temporarily halt my training. I've heard this is a common occurrence among beginning runners, but I'm still upset.<br />
The source of my pain comes from my left hip flexor whenever I run or lift my leg. I refrained from any training and exercising to give my leg a chance to recover, but the end of my rest and the start of my running brought it back immediately. I'm desperate to find a way to run again, so I made an appointment with a doctor who specializes in running injuries. I'm placing all my hopes on him being able to find out how to treat this injury and help me prevent it from happening again. I long to return to my training, this time the right way.Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-59418910032990009662012-05-27T19:09:00.000-07:002012-05-27T19:12:13.443-07:00Back To BloggingMany school-age bloggers have no choice but to abandon their blogs during the school year, then devote themselves to writing as many posts as they can during summer, winter, and any other breaks. I am one of those bloggers. I understand how school can steal precious time, which leaves few opportunities for anything else. I wonder if other bloggers feel as pained as I do whenever I remember my neglected blog, with its latest post being two or three months ago. <br />
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But I made it to summer, have a few months away from college, and hopefully will be able to write more often. I have carefully thought about what direction to take this blog, wondering if I should change the name, the look, or even the entire nature of what I've already created. <br />
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Those considerations came about as a result of my recent shift in focus. I still love ballet, but I haven't danced in a month and a half. This is because I have a new desire to run, and not just run, but train for a half-marathon. Dancing may limit how hard I can train for a marathon because my body probably can't handle intense running in the morning and dance class in the afternoon. Realizing this, I must step away from the barre, at least until I've decided I've done enough serious running. At this point I can't imagine ever completely giving up running, so my return to dance will be accompanied by less vigorous running. <br />
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This change led me to believe I no longer qualified as a ballerina, therefore my blog just couldn't stay the same. I was told differently by someone else, however. She said I'm still a ballerina, and this is still my journey. Of course I loved being referred to as a ballerina, but did I truly deserve it? Then I remembered the general idea I've gotten from reading numerous ballet-related sources, which is, once a dancer always a dancer. You just can't get rid of what you've learned from ballet, whether that'd be keeping perfect posture or properly handling life's disappointments. I constantly remind myself to stand up taller. Sometimes when I'm sitting at a table or desk I'll find myself pointing my toes. Ballet has been ingrained in me, and although I'm taking a little break, I'm still a dancer inside.Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-76763788861854747972012-04-12T17:19:00.000-07:002012-04-12T17:19:21.515-07:00Never Ignore PainAnyone who enjoys being physically active dreads injuries. They have the power to temporarily stop athletes and dancers from doing what they love most, and can often create feelings of helplessness. I should know, since I pulled my hip flexor last Friday.<br />
It happened during a run, and the sad part is that it was one of my best runs so far. The strain in my leg was noticeable for the rest of the day, but I stupidly hoped that it would disappear if I ignored it. My past experiences as a dancer so obsessed with improving technique that I would continue to work through pain should have taught me that this approach is dangerous and often does more harm than good. However, I may be guilty of being an unwilling and stubborn student at times. I tried to pretend that I didn't feel the warning signs my body was sending me to slow down as I walked around all day at the horse races on Saturday. The following two mornings I persisted in this risky behavior by running. Not a good idea, because by Monday night my pulled muscle was so weak that I had trouble getting out of a chair.<br />
That was when I realized that I couldn't avoid the truth any longer. I was injured and would have to take a break. On Tuesday and Wednesday I skipped my planned workouts, even though I hated to. Today I was able to do a little bit of Pilates, and tomorrow I might go out for a very easy run. Obviously the way my leg feels will determine whether or not that actually happens. (Although given my history maybe that isn't so obvious.) <br />
I hope every athlete or dancer who reads this will not follow my example, but will instead give injuries immediate attention. If I had only allowed myself one day of rest, or even two, maybe my injury would have been milder. I probably wouldn't have lost any physical fitness, which is one of the reasons why I didn't stop exercising. I guess this common worry among exercisers forces us to do things we know aren't healthy. I'm done with that. From now on I'm going to be more careful. Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-24437844863448665732012-03-19T18:11:00.002-07:002012-03-19T18:11:35.321-07:00Running in the RainI know I said I wasn't going to get out of the house over the weekend due to the weather, but under the reign of a strange, sudden impulse I found myself putting on my shoes and heading out the front door on the morning of St. Patrick's day. I was being drawn outside. This unexplained impulse was bringing me out to face the rain for another run.<br />
Maybe I'm going crazy. Out of the blue I decided I like to run, and now I'm running in the rain. I typically try to stay out of the rain, just as I had typically avoided running. Things really are changing. <br />
I was so glad I didn't follow my normal pattern of trying to be sensible, or worrying what the neighbors might think. At that point the rain had slowed down to a steady drizzle, and although it wasn't a downpour, (that came later) I was still being showered by rain drops. It did stop after the first five to ten minutes of my unplanned outing, but I'm pretty sure it went off and on for the remainder of my run. It was the perfect way to begin St. Patrick's day. I had fun running in that less than ideal weather. Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-62969413114178906162012-03-16T15:48:00.002-07:002012-03-16T15:48:19.272-07:00Change of Attitude<span style="background-color: #eeeeee; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px;">The strangest thing happened to me earlier this week. It was a busy Monday morning that didn't leave time for dancing, but I still wanted to get some exercise, so I decided to go on a walk around the block. </span><br style="background-color: #eeeeee; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: #eeeeee; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px;">A walk is usually my activity of choice when I can't dance. I loved to power walk because I hated running. I couldn't stand the thought of it. I enjoy physical activity, yet I'd never be found taking a jog. I admire the incredible shape runners are in, and realize they deserve just as much credit as ballet dancers. This didn't meant however, that I wanted any part in it. </span><br style="background-color: #eeeeee; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: #eeeeee; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px;">Until Monday, when for no fathomable reason I felt like picking up the pace a bit during my walk. Maybe it was the breeze, the crows cawing to each other, or simply being outside that stirred up something inside of me. I broke out into a run that I thought would be a quick spurt, except I kept going. It felt too good and too invigorating to stop, and I realized that I was barely fatigued. At that moment I loved running. </span><br style="background-color: #eeeeee; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: #eeeeee; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px;">Now fast forward to today, a Friday. The biggest storm of the season is on its way to sunny San Diego and its predicted to last from tonight until Tuesday, meaning I'll be stuck in the house for the entire weekend. Since I had enjoyed my Monday run so much , and I won't be getting outside for a few days, I decided to go out again while I still could. I had an even better time today. I could feel the storm coming, which I love because it's not often that southern California has this kind of weather. I felt full of energy as I ran through my neighborhood, up and down the hills, while listening to the birds calling out to the world, possibly announcing the coming rain, waving and giving a cheerful good mornings to the neighbors who I otherwise never get to interact with, and feeling the wind, absent of any chill because of my vigorous running, brush against my skin. I now know the kind of experience I could have been having all these years. </span><br style="background-color: #eeeeee; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: #eeeeee; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px;">Does this mean I'm becoming a runner? If you had asked me that question a week ago I'd say, absolutely, without a doubt, is that never, ever going to happen. Ask me now and I'd tell you how much I've surprised myself lately, so maybe the answer would be yes. I've been learning never to be sure of the future, or even sure of yourself. People can and do change, and my attitude towards running has turned more positive. I'm not sure where it will take me, but why try to figure it out? I will continue to enjoy it and see what happens. </span>Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-35161203317189915542012-03-01T10:37:00.000-08:002012-03-01T10:37:30.627-08:00ContentI miss blogging. Since the new semester started school has taken up more time than I thought it would, and although I have been enjoying it, I wish it wouldn't affect my blog. <br />
In spite of that I'm still pretty happy. Now that I've distanced myself from the path of trying to be a professional ballet dancer I've been working on my new life to determine what I want from it.<br />
Ballet is still present in this new life of mine, but in a very different, less stressful way. Dancing for fun has been a liberating experience, and I've been practicing at home in my spacious bedroom. I've had a great time setting goals and planning my own training routine that will enable me to reach those goals. <br />
Being exposed to horses once again has also made me joyful beyond words. I can think of few other things that fill me with as much excitement, but at the same time giving me a peaceful, quiet contentment, as being on the back of a horse. It was how I felt when I went on my first trail ride as a twelve year old, and it is how I feel now. <br />
I've also been ice skating again, something I had taken up during my break from ballet. I had to stop skating when I got myself back into serious ballet training. Jumping and twirling on a hard, slippery service with nothing but thin blades to balance on is risking injuries, and that risk is something no aspiring ballerina should take. I was a little disappointed that I would miss out on skating but my focus on ballet didn't give me a chance to let it bother me too much. After I turned ballet into a fun activity I decided it would be okay to pull out my skates again. When I went back to that freezing cold rink I tentatively stepped onto the ice. I was rusty, but within an hour I was almost as comfortable as before I quit skating. Being out on the ice made me remember my enjoyment of skating and how deep it actually went, and I can't wait until I get another opportunity to go back.<br />
Things have been going pretty good for me lately, and I'm looking forward to the future. My classes in school have been preparing me for what I want to do, which is to become a personal trainer with my own business. Right now I'm trying to enjoy what I have in the present while not forgetting to prepare for what is ahead of me. All in all, I'm perfectly content.Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-49521280782229774512012-02-09T08:49:00.000-08:002012-02-09T08:49:59.073-08:00My AlleyThe normal everyday parts of our lives are often taken for granted. I'm almost certain everyone is guilty of doing this at least occasionally. I realized I had, when last week my dog who I owned for eight years had to be put down.<br />
When I was eleven my family rescued Alley, a sweet black lab, from a life that possibly held abuse, neglect, and being hit by a car. She was five years old, but I think she was already in the early stages of arthritis. I remember when my Dad brought her into our home and I got my first glimpse of her. She walked in as if she had lived with us her whole life. She fit right in from the moment she arrived, and seemed to know she was home. <br />
I said she was a sweet dog, but did I also mention she was <i>the most stubborn creature ever! </i>Everything had to be done her way. She decided when she got her bones, or how long I would have to wait for her while she sniffed the bushes on our walks. She picked to wake me up when she had to go outside in the middle of the night, never bothering anyone else, even if my younger sister was by the back door, still awake. <br />
I remember one walk when she insisted on carrying her ball. My mom, who was going with us, knew Alley wouldn't want to hold it all the way, so she tried to get Alley to drop the ball. After that failed attempt we gave up and let Alley take her ball. My mom was right, Alley did get tired of holding it in her mouth, and let it fall to the street before we reached home. My Mom had to hold the wet, slobbery ball for the remainder of the walk.<br />
Whenever my family watched a movie together we each had our own chair, and it was mine that Alley constantly fought for. Sometimes she would jump on the chair and try to make a spot for herself. Since there wasn't enough room for both of us I would get pushed to the edge. She was smart enough to eventually choose a more subtle approach by asking to be let outside. Then when it was time for her to come back inside I was usually the only one who was willing to move and let her in. She took this opportunity to jump up on the now unoccupied chair. When I caught on to her plan I started racing back to my chair to beat her to it.<br />
My dog was full of puppy spirit, you could see it in her eyes. Even during her last phase of life she never quit. One night this past September or October she was weaker than I had ever seen her before. I went to bed expecting her not to make it through the night. When I woke up I was greatly surprised to find that she had bounced back, and was eagerly anticipating her breakfast. <br />
Although she had recovered she experienced another day like that, so we took her to the vet. The vet said Alley only had another month to live but she wasn't suffering. Our most important instructions were to make her last bit of time special.<br />
A month went by and Alley lived on. We made jokes about her stubborn nature, as it seemed that even the time of her passing couldn't escape her control. About four or five months after the vet's solemn prediction I could tell her health was rapidly diminishing. The arthritis that had plagued her since she first came into my life had gradually worsened, and now at the age of thirteen she could barely make it up the stairs. If she really had been hit by a car before we got her, it had made her back legs where the arthritis was much worse. During her last week I witnessed just how bad things had gotten for her, which greatly decreased her quality of life. On Thursday night her already poor condition declined. She was so weak she couldn't even open her mouth for a bone, a sight I never thought I'd see. She couldn't really stand up, and when she was standing she couldn't lay down. She wasn't ready to give up, that was how stubborn she truly was, but my family and I knew enough was enough. The poor dog shouldn't have had to deal with her struggles any longer, and we had to step in and do what was best for her. The decision to call the vet and ask to make an emergency appointment for euthanasia was not an easy one, but it was a necessary one.<br />
We tried to get her to sit in the back seat on the way to the vet, but true to her personality she made her way to the front seat, forever insisting we do things her way. We didn't fight her on it. We also stayed with her as she drifted from this world to finally meet peace and be free of pain. I felt an odd mixture of grief and relief. I was saddened to lose my dog, but it had been hard for me to watch her health deteriorate. I knew that she couldn't feel her back legs that were completely messed up anymore, and that comforted me. <br />
The next morning was harder. The realization that she was gone hit me full force as soon as I opened my eyes. I missed her more than I thought I would. She was a part of my life for so long I had taken her presence for granted. She was a great dog who deserves to be remembered forever. I hope this post gives you just a small glimpse into the life of Alley, the sweet, stubborn, and lovable black lab.Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-54094295518731797142012-02-01T17:20:00.000-08:002012-02-01T17:20:14.117-08:00Finding My BlissI heard something last night I thought I'd never hear again. I was on the living room floor stretching, and my sister was trying to get a ride to see a show on Friday. My mom was concerned about conflicting times because as she said, "Elizabeth has horseback riding that day." If you missed it, that was it, the words I thought I'd never hear again.<br />
Maybe I should have warned you that what I heard wasn't anything highly unusual, shocking, or grand. Maybe you're disappointed and thinking, "Well that was it?" But maybe if I explain to you why that statement makes my heart race with excitement you would understand and forgive me for getting your hopes up.<br />
One of my other loves in life is horses. I was obsessed with them as a twelve year old girl. I couldn't imagine what it felt like to ride one but I was desperate to find out. I finally got my chance when my mom signed me up for riding lessons at a ranch. That ranch was where I found my state of pure bliss. Just feeling the breath escape from a horse's nostrils and tickle the hair on my arms was enough to satisfy my longing to be connected to these majestic creatures. Whether I was in the saddle or on the ground all I simply needed was to be in the presence of a horse. <br />
After a year of lessons at the ranch my schedule at the ballet school started to demand a greater commitment from me. I was forced to choose, and ballet won out. So I continued my training to be a dancer, never ceasing to miss the freedom that came from riding a galloping horse. When I was fifteen I stopped dancing and suddenly had more time for other activities. I tried to find a new stable but nothing ever worked out. A few years past before I went back to ballet. By then I was too focused on trying to start a career in dance to make plans for riding. <br />
I knew that a serious dancer couldn't have horses in her life. I was too busy and didn't have the money for both riding lessons and ballet classes, so I comforted myself with the knowledge that I could ride horses after I had a long and successful career as a performer. I thought it would be years before I would sit upon a horse again.<br />
That was before I decided I didn't want to be a professional dancer, but once I gave up the goal of performing my life opened up and made room for horses. Now that I'm mostly practicing at home I don't take as many ballet classes, giving me more time and money for riding lessons. I eagerly inspected every stable's website that was in my area and, and I came across the perfect place for me. <br />
I've waited a long time to have this reunion with my favorite animal, so that is why I find it so extraordinary that I should be taking riding lessons. It was said so casually, like it was the most normal thing in the world for me to be out riding horses, but I know better. It is a wonderful gift from God that I cherish and hope to enjoy for a long time.Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-53464867858923111232012-01-30T14:29:00.000-08:002012-01-30T14:29:42.866-08:00Where is Ballet Headed?I've noticed a trend lately that saddens me. Ballet in its purest and truest form is being seen less and less. In other words, classical ballet is dying.<br />
That was another problem I ran into when I aspired to have a ballet career, but didn't mention until now. I am not a contemporary dancer, yet the dancers of today must be. Every classical ballet company has its own vast repertoire of contemporary ballets. The school/company I just left was no different. In fact, they were moving away from traditional story ballets at a rapid pace. That created some difficulties for me. I appreciate contemporary ballet and I'll watch it, but I have no interest in dancing that way. I had teachers tell me that I was a good ballerina, but I had to be more than that. Unfortunately for me, I wasn't. <br />
I do not wish to imply that there isn't room in the world for change. That's not my view at all, but at the same time I desire to keep the old, so long as its worthy, eternally present and very much alive. The video tapes of the great classical and romantic ballets I used to borrow from the library were what held me captive as a ten year old just starting dance class, and now the DVDs that I've collected of these same ballets continue to hold my attention.<br />
I always sense the dance world's disapproval of people like me who prefer the ballets that originated years ago over the new ones being created today. Again, it's not that I don't appreciate these dances, its just that classical ballet will forever be my favorite style. I hope the future holds a spot for this elegant and refined way of dancing.<br />
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<br />Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-59062491106381666422012-01-25T20:59:00.000-08:002012-01-25T20:59:14.234-08:00Over a Year and Still BloggingIt's been a little over a year since I published my <a href="http://aballerinasjourney.blogspot.com/2011/01/saying-yes-to-ballet.html">first post</a>. Although the actual day of when I began telling my story passed a few weeks ago, (it was January 4Th in case you were wondering) this month marks the first anniversary of my entry into the blogging world.<br />
As I think back to that day I am reminded of why I even thought to start this blog. It actually makes me laugh, and here's why. You see, this very week last year I was preparing to audition for the Bolshoi Ballet Academy Summer Intensive that takes place in New York. I was sure I could get in, and thought the only thing standing in my way was finding the couple thousand dollars it would take to participate. No problem though, that was only a minor technical difficulty. I had visions of raising the necessary funds for my cause. I was told blogging could bring certain rewards, one of them, the one I was most interested in at the time, being money. <br />
Did I really think that in less than six months I could start a blog, gain a following, and earn enough money for a trip to New York to attend a prestigious summer intensive? I wish I could say I was wiser than that, but the amusing thing is I had confidence that I would succeed. It is still a mystery to me how I got that confident about my dancing abilities and my money making skills, especially since 99% of the time I doubt myself. I wish some of that confidence had stuck around.<br />
Anyways, the point is, anyone who blogs knows that it takes time for the average blog to take off and become known. I don't really consider this blog as being known yet, and I've been working on it for a while, although not consistently. <br />
Not only do I find my overly optimistic attitude humorous, I also find it interesting how much things can change in just one short year. Last year all of my focus was on finding a job with a ballet company, while dreams of travelling all the way across the country to dance with an internationally known ballet school occupied my sleep. Now I feel no desire for anything like that. I'm perfectly content to dance at my local studio, or even my bedroom.<br />
I don't blog just to earn money anymore either, not that I'm opposed to the possibility. (I have to admit I never actually made any.) Now I view it as a kind of therapy. I can write about my worries, ideas, thoughts, and much more to sort though the confusion of life. It is also good practice for writing, which I've found I enjoy as a result of keeping up with this blog. <br />
This blog never filled it's initial purpose, but very rarely does my path ever go the way I expect it to. It doesn't matter though, because somehow I usually wind up finding the direction I'm supposed to take. I guess life would be dull if we knew exactly how everything was supposed to turn out.Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-25936681646326290082012-01-23T21:51:00.000-08:002012-01-23T21:51:24.531-08:00Not For NothingNow that I'm not trying to become a professional dancer I've found a new freedom whenever I dance. I can now pirouette, grande jete, or pique turn just for the fun of it. I still hold myself to a high standard, but it's different when I'm not always having to think about what would please an audience. <br />
Some might wonder if all the trouble I went through was for nothing. It was hard work trying to find a place in a professional company, and seeing how I decided I really didn't want that job after all, my efforts might appear as though they were a waste of time. I don't view it that way though. <br />
I believe there is some value in putting up with the kind of difficulties I faced, and my journey gave me many rewards. The trials I went through made me stronger, something that will help me get through other trying times. An added plus was the self-esteem I earned from overcoming certain challenges. I also proved that I could have been a dancer if I had wanted to, I just decided that I no longer had the desire. Another positive result came from witnessing God working out his plan for me and showing me that He knows better. I begged and pleaded with Him for my dream to come true, and got mad at Him when it wasn't looking like it would. Then He gave me what I wanted, and I'm sure He knew that I wouldn't be happy, but did so anyway so that I could see that for myself.<br />
That last point, seeing for myself that being a professional dancer would only make me miserable, is probably the most valuable one. My mom says if I hadn't had this experience I would have gone through my whole life thinking I had missed out on something wonderful. Instead, I can be at peace with the knowledge that I will be happier away from the stage, rather than dancing on it. <br />
My struggle to become a ballerina involved enduring physical and mental pain, overlooking the slim odds of making it, ignoring the discouraging words, embracing the encouraging ones, rejoicing over triumphs, despairing over setbacks, crying in frustration, pushing past fear, and most importantly never giving up until I realized I didn't I want it anymore. My journey was worthwhile, and as hard as it was I would never change anything about it .<br />
<br />Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-12825270716827902712012-01-20T11:40:00.000-08:002012-01-20T11:45:41.107-08:00A Magical Night at the Theater<br />
Last month the ballet world was in the midst of Nutcracker season. After I decided not to be in it, I thought I wouldn't get a chance to see the show. I had no idea that the director of my old ballet school and company would be kind enough to offer me free tickets. I gladly accepted them.<br />
When I called the box office to inform them what night I wanted to see the show I was given no hint as to what kind of seats I got, but I assumed that because they were free they wouldn't be the best. In fact, I thought they would probably be somewhere in the back of one of the balconies. <br />
When the night of the show arrived I couldn't help but feel excited for this unexpected treat. After putting on a nice dress, adding some jewelry, and applying my make-up, I was ready to go. My mom and younger <a href="http://angelynnsjournal.blogspot.com/2012/01/january-18thback-to-classes.html">sister</a> came with me, and for the drive to the theater we listened to our Nutcracker C.D. <br />
Once we were there I picked up my tickets at will call and pulled them out of the envelope. I remember being surprised when the director offered me tickets, now I was surprised by how good the seats were. They were the most expensive kind, orchestra seating. I told myself that didn't mean we weren't at the back of that section, or somewhere off to the side. Except we weren't.<br />
As we looked for the row letter that matched what was printed on our tickets we got closer and closer to the stage. When we found it we were four rows back from the front. Then the search for the right seat numbers began, and we got closer and closer to the middle. We found ourselves with some of the best seats in the theater!<br />
This was no small theater either. On the first level there is orchestra seating in the front, and a slightly raised section in the back. Then there are two balconies, making a total of three levels. As I looked up all the way to the back from where we were sitting I realized just how big the building really was.<br />
The performance was wonderful. I personally thought it was one of the best Nutcrackers that I've seen that company put on. The family scene was lively and animated. The corps de ballet was perfectly together for Waltz of the Flowers. The variations were danced by performers who weren't afraid to show their personality on stage, and it appeared to the audience that they were having a great time.<br />
I was pleased to read in the program that my favorite dancer in the company had been cast to dance Sugar Plum that night. I had always watched her in awe whenever I took company class with her. She is technically perfect, and incredibly light on her feet, yet at the same time strong and powerful. She didn't miss one spin during the coda, no matter how fast the music became. Watching her dance was the highlight of the show.<br />
It was an amazing night, one that I'll never forget. I am so grateful to the director for giving me those tickets.Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-74736269416323537702012-01-16T21:25:00.000-08:002012-01-16T21:25:47.901-08:00Eleven QuestionsI've been tagged by <a href="http://www.hannahjholmes.com/">Hannah J. Holmes</a> and now I get to answer these next eleven questions.<br />
<br />
<strong>1. Let us begin with the most important matter: Do you like cake? Why or why not? </strong><br />
I like cake but can't eat it because it has sugar in it. I love to bake though, so I make cake and give it to other people to enjoy.<br />
<strong>2. Have you ever been to Paris? If you have, tell me about it. If you have not, would you like to go someday? </strong><br />
Sadly I've never been to Paris, but of course I wish I could go! Who doesn't want to go to Paris?<br />
3<strong>. Given the choice, would you rather go out to eat at a fancy restaurant or stay home and order takeout?</strong><br />
Getting to eat out at a fancy restaurant is always a treat, so I'd probably prefer the former over the latter almost always.<br />
<strong>4. Similarly, would you rather go out dancing or or stay home with a warm blanket and a good movie? </strong><br />
Staying at home with a movie sounds really appealing. I think the perfect night would be dining at a restaurant with incredible food then settling down on the couch in front of the T.V. at home.<br />
<strong>5. What's your opinion of </strong><a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=ugg+boots&hl=en&rlz=1C1DVZA_enUS350US350&site=webhp&prmd=imvns&source=lnms&tbm=isch&ei=EdIPT6_dNefA2gWUm7CADQ&sa=X&oi=mode_link&ct=mode&cd=2&sqi=2&ved=0CIoBEPwFKAE&biw=1280&bih=642" target="_blank"><span style="color: #9e2b64;"><strong>Ugg boots</strong></span></a><strong>: cute and comfy or too ugly to meet the sun? </strong><br />
I wear my ugg boots all the time during the winter, probably too much, so I think you can guess my opinion of them.<br />
<strong>6. Now onto the second-most controversial shoe known to man: What is your take on </strong><a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=ugg+boots&hl=en&rlz=1C1DVZA_enUS350US350&site=webhp&prmd=imvns&source=lnms&tbm=isch&ei=EdIPT6_dNefA2gWUm7CADQ&sa=X&oi=mode_link&ct=mode&cd=2&sqi=2&ved=0CIoBEPwFKAE&biw=1280&bih=642#hl=en&rlz=1C1DVZA_enUS350US350&site=webhp&tbm=isch&sa=1&q=crocs&pbx=1&oq=crocs&aq=f&aqi=g10&aql=&gs_sm=e&gs_upl=21572l22837l0l23070l5l5l0l0l0l0l336l1054l1.1.2.1l5l0&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_cp.,cf.osb&fp=5aacd704fd213dc8&biw=1280&bih=642" target="_blank"><span style="color: #9e2b64;"><strong>Crocs</strong></span></a><strong>? </strong><br />
I don't really like them. Never worn them and don't plan on it either.<br />
<strong>7. Do you sing in the shower? The car? The opera house? </strong><br />
Sometimes I randomly break out into one of my favorite songs at home when no one's around, but other than that I try to spare others the torture of hearing my pathetic attempt at singing. Unless it's to mess with my sister that is.<br />
<strong>8. Do you have any unusual fears or dislikes?</strong><br />
Ever since I stayed up all night to watch a fire come down a mountain that I can see from my bedroom I've had a fear that one day a fire will be close enough to burn my house down. I still have dreams about it every once in a while.<br />
<strong>9. Have you ever seen the snow? Is so, do you remember your first snow?</strong><br />
I've only seen snow a few times, and I have to take a trip up to the mountains to get a taste of that cold but beautiful weather. I think I have a vague memory of being really little the first time I was in the snow, and if I'm correct all I wanted to do was get back in the car where it was warm.<br />
<strong>10. Would you rather play in the snow or spend a day at the beach?</strong><br />
I live near the coast so I've been to the beach plenty of times. For me, snow is more special and unique, so I'd have to pick a day of playing in the snow.<br />
<strong>11. Do you peel your banana the right way or the wrong way (meaning from the bottom or from the stem)? </strong><br />
I peel it the right way. At least I think going from the stem to the bottom is the right way......<br />
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<em>Thanks Hannah for tagging me!</em>Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-26603515448824237212012-01-12T11:27:00.000-08:002012-01-12T11:27:59.559-08:00Still DancingThe teachers from the ballet school use a curriculum that had pushed me in ways no other classes had. This valuable training led to results that I liked and was not willing to let go of. I designed a schedule that dictates when I practice ballet at home, and when I do practice I make sure it matches the intensity of how hard the teachers worked me at the ballet school.<br />
I decided that Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday mornings would be devoted to ballet. At the beginning of each new week I create a barre, center, and series of pointe exercises that challenge me. And challenging it's been. At the end of the week I evaluate how I did, then based on that I come up with different combinations for the next week.<br />
On Monday afternoons and Saturday mornings I take class at the studio I had been going to before I made my surprise return to the ballet school. Even though these classes can't compare in difficulty to what the ballet school offers, I still find it important to work with a teacher. I also think it might be good to have easier days. They allow me to give my body a break while still being able to work on perfecting my technique. <br />
My training at home takes about two hours, starting between 8 and 8:30 and lasting until 10 or 10:30. My commitment to this routine has proven to be worth it. I haven't lost anything, but instead I've continued to improve. <br />
It may sound crazy but what I love about ballet is the grueling process of refining technique and building the strength to achieve what may have seemed impossible before. This is why I will never stop dancing. I'm thankful to God that he has shown me the place where ballet belongs in my life. <br />
I also still enjoy watching ballet performances, even if I don't care to be in them, which reminds me that I want to write about the night I went to see the Nutcracker, in my next post.Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-28591860575159772302012-01-10T17:28:00.000-08:002012-01-10T17:28:57.569-08:00A Good EndingSeeing the email sitting in my inbox made me feel nervous and surprised. I called my mom in to look at it with me because as ridiculous as this sounds I didn't want to be alone when I read it. I can be pathetic sometimes. <br />
I opened the email, but like a coward held off reading it until my mom had skimmed through the first few lines and informed me that everything was okay. Somewhat hesitantly, I turned my eyes to the reply I thought would never come.<br />
The director first expressed her disappointment at my decision, saying she had wanted to see me make a successful return, but at the same time was thoroughly understanding. She shared a story about a friend of hers who had a similar experience as mine. Her suggestion that I might enjoy dancing in class without the chance to perform was right, and she wanted to know if I would be back in January to take lessons just for fun. I was incredibly relieved when she assured me that a replacement could be found, and it sounded as though my leaving caused no major problems. <br />
What surprised me the most about that already wonderful message came at the end. I had to read the last line twice because I thought I had misunderstood her offer to give me free tickets to see the Nutcracker. I couldn't believe her generosity. <br />
Now that I knew she held no hard feelings I could relax for the first time since the whole horrible ordeal had started. I was truly free, and it was all over. <br />
I planned on continuing my dancing but it couldn't be at the ballet school. Without a scholarship there was no way I could afford the expensive lessons, and it would make no sense for them to pay for my classes when I was only doing it as a hobby. What I would miss about being at the ballet school was taking those classes that pushed me physically and mentally. It had really been the only part of being at the ballet school that brought me joy. My skills and strength had improved during the short time I was there and I didn't want to lose that. I would have to go back to the studio I had been taking lessons at before, but I found a way to practice at home so that I can keep what those difficult classes had given me. I want to go into greater detail about how I'm accomplishing that in my next post. I may not want to be a professional dancer anymore, but my journey as a ballerina has not ended, and neither has this blog.Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-14585814913167560972012-01-09T11:41:00.000-08:002012-01-09T11:41:28.734-08:00Reaching A DecisionOn December 2nd I made a tough choice. I spent that whole morning going back and forth between my two options. If I didn't continue with Nutcracker I would be free to enjoy the Christmas season, but I was afraid of what everyone at the ballet school, and those who knew I would be performing and wanted to come see me, would think of my decision. Sticking with Nutcracker would bring misery right up to Christmas Eve. Neither path would be easy.<br />
I made my final decision on a bench by the bus stop at school. One of my notebooks lay open on the table as my hand flew back and forth across the page, writing a rough draft of the email I would send to the director of the company. The words flowed out with hardly an interruption, yet it was one of the most difficult letters I ever had to write. I dreaded the reaction my decision would cause. I'm sure by now it's obvious that I decided not to go through with Nutcracker.<br />
I also hated to cause any trouble with casting, but just to get things straight I only had a small part, nothing that stood out. I don't think I could have lived with myself if I had been cast with a bigger role and left a few weeks before opening night. I figured it really shouldn't have been a problem to replace me. You may now be wondering why I had so many rehearsals if I had such a little part in the show, but it was because I was expected to understudy everything. My teacher was pushing me to learn every part so I could get a feel for how to work in a company. Although there was no chance of me performing waltz, snow, doll, or second act variations, I still learned all of these dances, and even had the opportunity to rehearse some of them. <br />
When I came home I typed out an email but couldn't bring myself to push the send button until a few hours later. Eventually I forced my hand to the mouse and sent off my request to be replaced. I couldn't believe I had done it. <br />
Was there relief? Some, yes. I felt free from the burden of being in a place that was so emotionally draining, and one that wasn't right for me to begin with. I couldn't feel completely better though. I wondered if the director would be upset with me. I also hoped she would reply, but I wasn't sure she would. The weekend passed without a word from her. Tuesday came and I had given up waiting for a response. That is until I got home from school that same day and found a message from her in my inbox.Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1413116565431353837.post-38200777260571302952012-01-04T16:31:00.000-08:002012-01-05T13:45:06.113-08:00A Difficult Decision<br />
As October passed into November the number of rehearsals I attended grew. I wasn't eager to admit to anyone how unhappy I was, even to those I'm closest to. One day I couldn't stand to keep it to myself anymore, and I reluctantly told my mom that things were not turning out quite the way I planned. I think she must have sensed it because she didn't seem surprised. We decided that I should get through Nutcracker to see if I enjoyed being in a show before determining whether or not I would continue pursuing a career in dance. I still loved to dance so I thought it was wise not to quit.<br />
The month of November was a time for reflection. I learning quite a bit about myself as I thought long and hard about what it was that drew me to ballet. I started to see a pattern when I realized I enjoyed taking class, and the best days were the ones that didn't include any rehearsals. I liked the regular routine of barre and center, and it was a thrill to accomplish something I had previously struggled with. My list of reasons for why I love ballet did not contain the performing aspect of it. A performer lives for dancing in front of an audience, but maybe I'm only meant to dance for myself. I had assumed that because I love ballet I would be blissfully happy dancing on stage, but I was beginning to see that wasn't the case. <br />
Thanksgiving drew near and I was looking forward to having some time off. Unfortunately the ballet mistress planned my break for me, scheduling rehearsals from ten until two on Saturday and Sunday. I had been expecting a few days off and was disappointed because I wanted to pick out a Christmas tree with my family, go to church with them on Sunday, and get some much needed distance from the negativity I'd been drowning in. Even though I was able to get the tree Saturday after rehearsal, knowing I would be back at the studio the very next day for the same amount of time took something away from the experience. I couldn't help but dread what awaited me Sunday.<br />
The sacrifices I was making for Nutcracker would have made sense if I truly desired being on stage. I was willing to put up with all the bad stuff when I thought it would ultimately lead to happiness, but when I realized I didn't actually care for performing I lost all motivation. I didn't want to finish out the Nutcracker, but I had to didn't I? I was sure the carefully planned cast list would be thrown off if I was no longer in the show, or that I would look weak by backing out. My mom said it wasn't weak to remain true to who you are, and my dad was strongly against me spending the holidays depressed, yet I couldn't convince myself that I shouldn't just suck it up and get through it. The other girls would surely have things to say about me. I had already left once, and now after asking the teachers to accept me and let me come back I was quitting again. I also felt like I was letting down my teacher who had taken such an interest in me, and seemed genuinely excited about my future. If I really decided to back out of Nutcracker, what would everyone think of me?<br />Kristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00610813789484170147noreply@blogger.com5